Promises
by marsh king's daughter
Summary: Friendship can easily develop into so much more...but what if it's only onesided?  RikuxSora, YAOI, Riku's POV, oneshot


**Disclaimer: **…why is this even necessary? Do you think I would be writing a yaoi fanfic if I owned Kingdom Hearts? No! Riku and Sora would be getting it on in the game, and Kairi…well frankly, there would be no Kairi.

**Warning: **A teeny tiny miniscule bit of swearing (like one word I think) and some guy on guy action. That's all.

Now on with the story!

oOoOo

**Promises**

oOoOo

If there's such a thing as destiny, then I'm sure that's what brought us together.

Our mothers were childhood friends, separated for a few years after college when yours moved away. But on the same day that I was born she returned, wanting to raise you in the place she grew up.

Half a year later you arrived, and for as long as I can remember, I was sure that you had been made for me. It seems as if all of my earliest memories are of you, and not once did I show any interest in making other friends. You, always trailing along after me, blue eyes alight with fascination, were all I needed.

For a long time I couldn't understand that you didn't feel the same way, that your smile wasn't only meant for me. You could easily make friends with anybody, while I merely stood back in the shadows, watching the others slowly begin to steal you away from me.

I could tell that the other kids on the island were drawn to you as well. It was hard not to be- you were the type of person who could naturally attract anybody. But for some reason I didn't want to share you with anybody else. I wanted you all to myself.

At first I merely passed these feelings off as jealousy, but I soon realized that there was something else lurking beneath the surface. More than anything, I was afraid of losing you. Without you, I had nothing.

With my newfound insecurities, I was hit with a sudden sense of possessiveness. You were not meant to be with them like you were meant to be with me, and I would make you realize that. I began to monopolize you, making sure that you spent all of your time with me.

I invited you to stay over as much as my mom would let me, and at times it seemed almost as if you were part of the family. I treasured the moments I could watch you sleeping soundly, your small body rising and falling slowly as you lay curled up tightly next to me. You were completely unguarded, peaceful and innocent, and it was in those times that I felt most secure. Somehow my worries simply melted away as I moved closer to your warmth, gently brushing your spiky brown hair away from your face.

In your waking hours you were a bundle of energy and curiosity, harder to keep to myself. I contented myself with the knowledge that you never went anywhere without me, but you often immersed yourself with your new group of friends, dragging me along with you.

I was uneasy with the sense that you would be able to live without me so easily. In my naïve way of thinking, I had always been positive that one without the other simply wouldn't be able to go on. I understood then that this wasn't true for you, although I knew that it was for me.

oOoOo

I was happiest when it was just the two of us on the island. Together we strived to explore every last nook and cranny, and after countless days spent there we did. We made a discovery that was unknown to even Wakka, two years older than me. It was a cave, hidden deep in the shadows.

Immediately your eyes lit up with curiosity, an endearing trait that you always had whenever you found something new and exciting. Together in that cave, we made a promise. It would be our secret place, to be shared with nobody else.

I quickly became attached to that cave, relieved to finally have a stronger hold on you. We stole away to it frequently when the others weren't watching, you giggling as they called our names, searching for us. For you, it was just a game. For me…it was so much more.

Once I almost did lose you, though it wasn't the way I had been preparing for. This memory is clearer than any other, and I'm sure that it will stay imprinted in my mind forever. I was fifteen years old, just beginning to enter my competitive phase. I challenged you to a simple race in the ocean, a common bout between us back then. You were always at a disadvantage physically; you were smaller, younger, weaker. Yet you would never admit defeat, and every time there was the same look of determination blazing in your azure eyes. You always seemed so strong, and secretly I admired you.

But this time something went wrong. I don't even know what happened; I was much farther ahead of you at the time, but suddenly you were being pulled under the surface, spluttering for help and flailing your arms in panic. I barely even registered what was happening before the adrenaline kicked in and I was swimming back towards you, grabbing you and bringing you back to the shore. Your body hung limply in my arms, and never in my life had I been so terrified.

I set you down gently in the sand, hurriedly checking for a pulse and sighing in relief when I found it, albeit faint. But you were still unconscious, and I quickly began to perform CPR, something all of us were taught at a young age since we lived on an island.

Something seemed to click in the back of my mind as I pressed my lips to yours, but at that time I didn't realize what it was. My only concern was reviving you, and finally your blue eyes fluttered open as I compressed your chest. You sat up, coughing hoarsely and choking up sea water.

Suddenly you didn't seem so strong anymore. Your eyes were lacking their usual brilliance, dull and clouded over. You seemed so small and fragile to me at that moment, and it wasn't until then that I truly realized that I could have lost you forever.

I felt an unfamiliar stinging behind my eyes, and instinctively I wrapped my arms around you, burying my face in your hair. I could feel you trembling in my embrace, and you clutched onto my shirt desperately, your head against my chest.

You told me once that it was the first time you had ever seen me cry, and that that was what had scared you the most.

oOoOo

For quite awhile, your mother wouldn't allow you to go out to our little island, although she very warmly welcomed me into your home anytime I wanted. Somehow, I came across as a hero of some kind for saving your life.

I was uneasy with this perception of me, knowing deep down that it had been for me as much as it had been for you. I simply wouldn't be able to go on with my life if you were not by my side.

From that day on, our relationship grew even stronger. You seemed to look at me with newfound respect and admiration, while I slowly unraveled the feelings that had been hidden deep within me all along.

I had always understood that you were more than a friend to me, but I had never known how much more. It wasn't hard for me to accept that I was in love with you; it was hard for me to accept that you didn't feel the same.

I knew this because of her.

After a few weeks, summer vacation began and you had been allowed to return to our island. It was there that we met her for the first time, and it was easy to see how deeply infatuated you became with the redhead.

At first I had passed it off as your usual curiosity; I was admittedly interested in her as well, due to the fact that she came from another world. I wondered what it would be like to explore other worlds with you, to see your face light up at anything and everything.

I was the one who suggested the raft- I had suddenly been overcome with an urge to leave with you, and I could use Kairi as an excuse. The two of you agreed happily, and excitedly we began to make plans together. Quickly the three of us became very close, despite the fact that my initial intrigue of her had died away. It was then that I realized that your feelings for her were not just based off of curiosity. Clearly, it was more.

That was when I began pushing away my feelings for you, trying to erase the thoughts that suddenly felt so wrong. I began to challenge you more and more often, but from then on it didn't just seem like friendly competition. Fighting with you felt more like I was simply fighting with myself, and I convinced myself that the more I beat you, the more I could forget about you.

Something between us was steadily changing, and I could tell that you felt this as well. We never talked to each other unless it was concerning the raft or arguing over our score. You began turning to Kairi more and more, and one day I overheard the two of you talking together.

You were going to leave without me.

I didn't stay back to hear anymore of the conversation after she suggested this; I turned and fled without another backwards glance.

I had known all along that one day I would lose you. And finally that day was arriving.

oOoOo

I didn't bother showing up at the island for a long time after that. My mother was concerned about my sudden isolation, but I passed it off as feeling sick. You and Kairi came to check on me several times, but I would pretend to be asleep until you finally gave up and left.

In a way I wished that you would simply leave already, so that I could finally forget about you.

One day you came alone, and you sat in my room for hours on end, refusing to give up. At one point I could hear you crying, and my heart clenched painfully at the sound.

"Riku…," it came out as merely a whisper, but I heard it clearly nonetheless.

Suddenly I couldn't contain myself any longer. Wordlessly I got up from my bed and strode over to you, noticing your startled jump and your eyes widening in surprise. Guilt crept through me at your tearstained face, and I brushed a finger under your eyes, wiping away the salty drops.

"Why are you…?" you began, but were silenced as my lips swiftly descended upon yours. I'm not even sure what I was thinking at the time, but it felt like I _had_ to. You immediately tensed, rigid as I kissed you fervently, my hands groping for any hold on you as I slipped my tongue into your mouth. At this point you began pushing away from me and managed to pull back, fresh tears spilling from your eyes.

Without another word you ran out of my room. I didn't chase after you, knowing that I had no right to.

You didn't come back after that, and I didn't return to the island. The rest of summer vacation passed without us ever seeing each other.

I wondered if maybe you had left Destiny Islands with her for good during my absence, but you were there in the halls when school started again. Our eyes met briefly, and an expression that I had never seen on you before crossed your face before you shifted your gaze away.

I ate lunch alone, watching you sitting a few tables away from me with your other friends. Not once did you look my way, but you seemed perfectly happy with them, laughing at some inside joke. My theory was then confirmed that you truly didn't need me in your life.

Then you turned to Kairi, whispering something in her ear before she giggled and planted a chaste kiss on your lips. My heart seemed to stop at the sight, and I stood up abruptly, throwing the rest of my uneaten lunch away in the trash. I wasn't hungry anymore.

In fact, I was hardly ever hungry after that. I forced myself to eat breakfast at home to please my mother, but I never even went into the cafeteria for lunch. At dinner I would push my food around on my plate, taking a few bites with the excuse that I had had a big lunch. Mom worried of course, but I cheerfully denied her concerns.

This continued for a couple of weeks, and I could feel it taking effect on me. I began to get dizzy at school, and I was losing weight. But I still couldn't eat.

Then one night, I was fully confronted with the problem.

"Well, I'm done, Mom," I said, getting up and starting to gather my silverware. "It was really good, but I ate a lot at school, so I'm not really hungry," I lied, using the same excuse I used every other night.

But she grabbed my arm, halting my actions. "Riku," she began quietly. "Sora's mom called me today. Apparently he told her that you haven't been eating lunch since the first day of school," she continued, looking at me with a mixture of sadness and concern.

"Look, I just haven't been eating with Sora lately," I muttered. "He probably just doesn't see me in the cafeteria."

"Well, that's another thing, sweetie. You never go out with Sora anymore. In fact, you've only been leaving the house to go to school. What's wrong?" she asked gently.

"Nothing's wrong," I replied harshly, although I knew I shouldn't be taking it out on her. "I can't just be with him forever, y'know," I said, yanking my arm from her grasp and resuming clearing my plate. "Thanks for dinner."

The next morning I made a show of eating a large breakfast, although I knew it wouldn't put my mother's mind to ease at all. I arrived at school early, making my way to the underclassmen's lockers where I waited for you to arrive.

About 5 minutes later you did, holding hands with Kairi and listening to her chattering away with a bright smile on your face. However, as soon as you noticed me the smile faded, your eyes widening. You dropped her hand and approached me cautiously, your expression guarded.

When you were within arms reach, I slammed you roughly against the lockers, ignoring your yelp of pain and Kairi's indignant gasp. I grabbed the collar of your shirt, leaning forward so that I could feel our breath mingling.

"From now on, mind your own fucking business," I spat, before dropping you and walking away.

But you were persistent. You ran after me, reaching out to grab my wrist. Your small fingers easily fit around it, and I dimly noted that this shouldn't be so.

"It _is_ my business, Riku," you whispered, eyes filling with tears. "I thought we were best friends."

"You're better off without me, Sora," I said harshly. Why did it still hurt so much? Why couldn't I just move on?

"And what exactly led you to that conclusion?" you challenged fiercely. "I _need_ you, Riku. I want to be with you," you said desperately.

"If you 'need' me so much, then how come you're so happy when we haven't even talked in over a month?! It seems to me like you're doing just fine with _her_," I said, glancing in Kairi's direction, whose eyes were blazing as she stared back. "Just forget it, Sora."

Now you really started to cry, your entire body shaking with little sobs. "I can't forget it. You're hurting yourself, Riku, and I'm so scared," you whispered, holding my hand up to your cheek and leaning into the touch.

My heart was thudding painfully as I clenched my palm into a fist and pulled it out of your grasp. "Class is starting soon," I murmured in a strange voice. "We should go."

I left you there, staring after me as I made my way through the hallway. But I didn't go to class; instead I left, not caring if I skipped school.

I walked slowly down to the beach, finding my boat still docked where it was over a month ago. I got in and rowed back to the little island, a sense of familiarity washing over me as I got closer. I don't know why I went back, but something drew me there.

I almost regretted it when I arrived, my mind flooding with memories of the two of us there together. Everything felt like so long ago…the day we met Kairi, the day I saved you, the day we found the cave…

I realized that it had been a long time since I had been in the cave, before Kairi had come since you hadn't wanted to exclude her. I made my way towards the waterfall, feeling the light spray of the mist as I went past it deeper into the shadows.

When I walked inside, it seemed different. It was dark and gloomy, not filled with the sense of mystery and intrigue that I had felt when we went in together. As I reached the inner chamber, however, I noticed that you had come without me. And you had taken her.

There on the wall was a picture of the two of you together, a paopu fruit in between you. The legend was that if two people shared a paopu fruit, they would be together forever, their destines intertwined.

I smiled sadly, fingering the crude drawing. At one point I had believed that _we_ would be together forever. I thought that this place would always be just ours.

But I guess some promises are made to be broken.

I crouched down on the ground, my breath coming in ragged puffs. Suddenly I felt dizzy, and I was dimly aware that there were tears streaming down my cheeks. I leaned against the wall, letting myself cry until I was numb, a hollow shell.

oOoOo

I'm not sure how long I stayed there, but I guess it was until after school since you were never the type to skip. But sure enough, you found me there, gasping as you dropped to the floor next to me. I guess I looked pretty bad.

"Riku? Riku, are you okay?" Your voice sounded distant, and I tried to nod but my head felt oddly heavy. So instead I opened my mouth to reply, but no sound came out.

I could hear you running out of the cave, calling for help. A minute later you returned, and it didn't sound like you had found anyone. You said my name again, an edge of panic in your voice as you shook me lightly.

I frowned, bothered by this. I wanted to reassure you that I was okay, that everything was going to be fine, but once again I was unable to.

You tried to lift me up, struggling with me even in my weakened state. Finally I managed to find my voice.

"Sora," I murmured softly, my eyes still closed.

You paused in your efforts. "Shh, I'm here, Riku. Everything's going to be okay."

"I love you," I sighed, just before blacking out.

oOoOo

I slowly opened my eyes, feeling as though somebody had put weights on them. I quickly regretted this, the white walls of an unknown hospital room far too bright for me.

"…a simple case of malnourishment, Mrs. Sugisaki. Has Riku been showing any signs of eating disorders lately?" I heard coming from just outside the open door.

I recognized the next voice as my mother's. "He's hardly been eating anything for dinner lately, and a friend of his said he wasn't eating anything at school. I should've tried harder, I should've…" her voice broke into sobs, and I hated the sound.

I sat up, and the doctor caught sight of me moving. He walked into the room with my mother trailing along behind him, relief washing over her face.

"Ah, so you're finally awake. How are you feeling, Riku?" the doctor asked kindly, jotting something on a clipboard.

"Okay, I guess," I muttered. I never liked hospitals much. "Where's Sora?" I asked my mom.

"He's right outside, sweetie. Are you sure you're feeling better? I was so scared when I heard what had happened," she pressed, moving next to me and holding my hand in hers.

"I'm fine, Mom. Can I see him?" I asked hopefully.

The doctor chuckled. "Your friend will have to wait until you answer some questions for me. I promise it won't take long."

I scowled, leaning back into the pillows. It seemed as if suddenly so many days of separation from you were hitting me full force, and I missed you more than anything.

The doctor proceeded to ask me various questions about my eating habits as of late, and I was too tired to lie to him, knowing that he wouldn't believe me anyway. Mom stayed by my side the entire time, never letting go of my hand as she cried.

Finally he finished marking the papers in his mind. "That's all for now, Riku. There's no need for you to stay here tonight, although we will need you to monitor all of his meals for awhile, Mrs. Sugisaki. We'll be able to release you as soon as this paperwork gets filed. Your friend can visit now, if you wish."

He left the room, and Mom followed reluctantly, allowing you to enter on your own. I could tell that you had been crying, your eyes red and puffy. You stood awkwardly at the foot of the bed, shifting uncomfortably under my gaze. Vague memories of my confession entered my mind, and I flushed slightly, embarrassed.

"Hey," I said, breaking the silence.

"Hi," you returned, your voice sounding thick.

We lapsed into silence again, unsure how to act around each other anymore. Suddenly I hated myself. How could I have ever put something so precious as our friendship on the line? Why couldn't I have just graciously allowed you and Kairi to be together, and kept my feelings hidden forever?

"Riku…um, about earlier…I…I love you, too…but I just don't think it's the same way," you murmured, avoiding my gaze and clenching the edge of the blanket in your fists.

I blinked rapidly. Of course, I had already known this, but hearing it coming from you just made it sound so final, so unchangeable. "Oh, I know! Actually I was just going to ask you if you could forget it ever happened…I can't believe I said something like that," I said, my voice sounding unnaturally cheerful. "So, sorry about all of that. I hope that you and Kairi are happy together, wherever you go."

You looked up at me again, confusion in your eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Ah, well I sort of overheard you guys saying you would leave on your own…" I trailed off, my heart clenching even though the memory seemed so distant now. "That's why I left, before. I didn't want to get in your way."

Your eyes widened, flickering with some strange emotion. "No, Riku, that's not…" you choked. I could see your fingers trembling around the fabric. "I was never going to leave you, it was just Kairi's idea! I could never…"

You started crying again, and suddenly you moved from the edge of the bed, throwing your arms around me and burying your face into the crook of my neck. I could feel hot tears falling on my skin, but I didn't care. You were there, and that was all that mattered.

oOoOo

Time passed quickly, and I returned to normal, or at least as normal I could be while keeping my one-sided feelings inside. You didn't seem to mind, and treated me just as before, perhaps even sweeter, if that was possible. Kairi, on the other hand, was not quite so welcoming.

I could tell that this was taking its toll on you, being pulled between your best friend and your girlfriend. But while Kairi constantly tried to keep you away from me, I watched quietly from the sidelines, knowing that I had no right to fight with her. It would only hurt you more.

After another fight with Kairi about spending too much time with me, we walked home together, and you confronted me.

"Why do you just let her say those things about you?"

Startled, I looked at you questioningly. "You love her," I replied. For some reason it was easier for me to accept after getting everything out in the open.

Apparently you weren't expecting this for an answer. You studied my face for a minute, wide-eyed, before glancing away, chewing on your bottom lip. I recognized this as one of your nervous habits, although I couldn't understand why you were doing it now. "A-actually…lately, I'm not really sure," you said softly.

I sighed. "Sora…Kairi only says those things because she's in love with you. I don't want you to lose that because of me." I had no idea _why_ I was defending her, but what else was I supposed to do? You had already given me your answer.

"B-but, Riku, I-! For some reason…I can't stop thinking about you. And I hate it when Kairi says those things about you. I hate that you _let_ her! I…I want to be with you Riku. I don't want her to take you away from me," you whispered.

I couldn't understand what you were saying, so I didn't respond, merely staring at you.

"Riku, um…W-will you…kiss me again?" It was so quiet that I almost didn't hear it. _Almost_.

"W-what?" I choked, positive that I had misheard you, or was imagining this, or anything besides you actually asking me _that_.

You flushed, looking up at me shyly. "I…Riku, I think I might…l-lov-," but the rest of your sentence was lost as I kissed you, wrapping my arms around you and never wanting to let go.

oOoOo

"Riku…do you think there's such a thing as destiny?" you asked me, shifting closer to me under the covers.

I smiled gently, running my fingers through your hair. While I loved watching you sleep, waking up with you was another matter entirely. "Do you?"

"Yeah…at least, when we're together like this, I think there must be…," you murmured. "I love you, Riku," you said softly.

"I love you, too," I sighed, kissing your forehead.

"I…think I may have all along, really," you confessed. "I just didn't understand…"

"It's fine. You're here now," I replied, brushing my lips lightly against yours.

"I'll always be here, Riku," you promised.

And this one you kept forever.

oOoOo

**Author's Notes:**

**-**shifty eyes-**  
**

If there are any _For What Reason_ fans reading this…I'm sorry! I got writer's block again, and when I get writer's block I force myself to write something. Staring at a blank computer screen just doesn't do it for me. So I got this idea for a oneshot…and it just kinda came out a whole lot longer than I expected. Oops? I promise ch. 9 will be out ASAP!

Hmmm…I have mixed feelings with this little story. Not really my usual style until the very end when there was some dialogue and fluff. I've discovered that while I really like reading angst, writing it is not so much fun. It's just…ish…

Please leave a review and tell me if I should never ever attempt angst again XD And if you liked it, please check out my other story. I will shamelessly advertise it at the end of all my oneshots, if that's what it takes.

Now have a cookie.

-Emmy


End file.
